Partnering with Christ
By Kevin and Jane Rowland
Kevin and I have thought a lot about suffering since his ALS diagnosis in 2019. Everybody struggles with some form of pain and suffering during the course of their lives, even if carrying those burdens might feel wholly personal and solitary. God the Father, the Author of life itself, permits the brokenness of the world even though it is not part of His perfect will for His beloved creation.
So how do we understand the personal struggles in our own lives? Kevin and I frequently find ourselves turning to Jesus and saying, "Now what? What are we supposed to do with this, the endless itching or the burning tears or the nagging cough?" Yet we hear Mother Mary, like at the wedding in Cana, implore us to "Do whatever He tells you."
“Do whatever he tells you.” Jesus commands love. Love God, love one another. At the wedding feast in Cana, love looked like jumping in and filling some heavy jars with water, even when they didn't understand and even when it was difficult. The servants obeyed and were eyewitnesses to a miracle. Surely Jesus didn’t need their help. Couldn’t he have made the wine just appear in the goblets? But oh, how he must have enjoyed the looks on their faces when they saw what they had been a part of!
When Kevin and I were first married, we were focused first and foremost on our own worldly happiness. We began the process of negotiating our respective roles. Who gets the groceries? Both of us. Who cleans the bathrooms? Me. Who kills the spiders? Definitely Kevin. Faith was relegated to a minor role. It certainly wasn't the center of our relationship, nor did we necessarily see our roles as husband and wife in eternal terms. Neither of us gave much thought to miracles.
Twenty-nine years and an ALS diagnosis later, Kevin’s first concern was to ensure that our three children and I would be financially secure once his paychecks stopped. As the symptoms snowballed, he found himself needing more help with daily tasks, which was a crushing blow to his protective instincts, his desire to care for his family. It would have been easy to sink into depression and despair.
Then we were reminded, "Do whatever He tells you." Jesus says, "Get involved, there is still much to be done!" When we join our suffering to Jesus', He can transform it into purposeful work on behalf of ourselves and those we love. God didn't invent suffering, but he has used it and will continue to use it to bring about something beautiful and amazing (even a miracle, like turning water into wine or defeating death itself). He doesn't need our help, but He offers us the honor of partnering with him.
Kevin began to see his role as husband and father in a bigger light. He began to pray more earnestly for his family and offer his suffering for us. The prayers of spouses for one another are especially powerful! It's about more than willing the good of another in this life. Spouses have the sacred honor of accompanying another eternal soul on a journey toward heaven!
It isn't always easy to maintain this perspective. There are still a hundred menial tasks to be done on any given day. There is physical fatigue, frustration, and self-doubt. We are still so attached to our own agendas, our own comfort, our own ideas about happiness in this life. There is a temptation to allow our minds to follow the dark path of worry into an unknown future.
However, when we focus on Jesus, He calls our attention to the tasks right in front of us, tending to not only our family's physical needs but especially the spiritual ones. We are souls traveling through this earthly existence together. We are reminded to never underestimate the power of prayer. We go to Mass and place our lives and our loved ones on the altar, even when we don't understand, even when it's difficult. Then we receive Jesus in return - a miracle! Jesus, we trust in You!